The Fixin's

This is meant to be a comprehensive list of all the different ways a hot dog can be eaten. Boy hot dogs are delicious! I wish that every day was hot dog day.


Toppings

Ketchup

Arguably the most common topping put on a hot dog. I saw some documentary where some guy at Nathan's said that only children like ketchup on their hot dogs. He was obviously a Nazi.

Mustard

I remember that my grandfather used to hate mustard.

Cheese

Makes a hot dog special. Of course you can have melty, processed cheese but I prefer a nice slice of cheddar placed on top of the hot dog immediately after it's cooked.

Relish

Relish is for JERKS!

Onions

Onions make me cry when I cut them. Why would my hot dog ever want me to cry?

Chili

Now, chili in itself is a fine food. Put it on your hot dog, and you have yourself a real treat! I wish I didn't get heartburn. Oh well, that's the nature of the beast.

Sour Kraut

Yuk

French Fries

So the French have come up with an amazing idea for once. French fries - on top of a hot dog. Amazing. I don't even think that the French came up with french fries.

Buns

Corn Dogs

Whoever invented the corn dog is a fucking genius. A hot dog on a stick, wrapped in flakey corn dough. It just doesn't need anything else. Could you do this with any other kind of sausage?

Pigs In A Blanket

I'm not sure what this is, but I know it involves a hot dog.

Pretzel Dogs

I have personally not had one of these, but it sounds pretty good.

Bagel Dogs

Einstein makes these. He also figured out that E=MC2!

Types

Beef

Lots of hot dogs are made out of cows. Imagine a hot dog made out of one animal!

Turkey

These are for people who feel guilty about eating hot dogs. You should never feel guilty about eating a hot dog. Let yourself live, friend.

Cocktail Weenie

Oh, so you're too la-di-da to be called a "hot dog". Well, ok, I admit, weenie isn't much better. Let's stop fighting.

Tofu

I only add this because of its name only. The tofu dog betrays the nature of the true hot dog. I admit that I was once tricked to eat one of these atrocities. I can assure you that it was like eating sick, rotten flesh (and not in the good way like a normal hot dog). It was a light grey in color and had a strange skin surrounding it. Now, I thought that tofu was supposed to have no flavor; well, this tasted like SHIT!